the shrill whine of the alarm. i am waiting to be snatched into reality. the patterns around me are my time-space location. (my tee shirt has come undone.) bared legs escape and become aloof. this is where my day begins.

an apple. a banana. i drive down the road, wait until the good song ends and abandon the car in the parking lot. i loathe school: the perpetual drone, constant buzzing nothingness.

i feel awkward and completely out of place.
it makes me uncomfortable. (i wait until the day ends)
i llike to look out the window to pass the time...

as soon as i'm free, i catapult to safety. the sky is milky white. sometimes i rush home to fix a meal for myself. i eat looking out the window, imagining the people below are strange animals.

gee, i wish i were a writer...

a few points shy of the high score and actionmanmagazine have made me realize that i am writing shit. literally. i recall the days when i could coax a laugh out of the most solemn fat man.... i am a failure, a mere shell of the terror i once was.

///distilled///

after driving home in the white out friday night, tom and i have constructed a heavily-jointed emotional bond.
(he is the silly putty of my universe.)
and there was the interview, and the sleeping and the motion and the colors and lights
(not the proverbial lights, i actually saw them all spinning together harmoniously....)
and i had my first thoughtless sensation of feeling. alex was right. it isn't anything like knowing. it's pure.
i tried to explain the whole thing to bui, but he wasn't with me on it.

here's how it was:

i wake up cast with light from a naked bulb.l ying there in the early hours of morning in the midst of mountians of blankets. tom re-enters the room and gets into bed. there is momentary silence. he tells me about some bikes he's seen, but i have a hard time comprehending because my mind isn't exactly there. the lights became increasingly significant, i wanted more thatn ever to hold someone in my arms, but not to violate him (he is something special). i confessed to him that i was having an actual feeling. he probably thought i was going mad. but i wanted to call alex and shout it that i knew. i did not because it was 3 am. i had to settle with knowing myself, and i suppose that's what it's really all about. like that poem in the perks of being a wallflower.

back to the future. i suppose that's what i could call my present. i always seem to be sitting out of it. great scott! it's time to begin the early editiouns of inaugural assassins.

STYLE="background-color:#FFFF00; border: 2px solid black;">

style="BORDER: 1PX SOLID BLACK; BACKGROUND-COLOR:WHITE;"> my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours. Add a fortune to your website or blog, click here.

eat that, fortune cookie machine!
ok, it's official. i'm booked for four (count 'em, four) therapy sessions immediately. that should have a positive effect on my life. i hope.

i. gave. myself. an. anxiety. attack. and. my. heart. poured. out. of my. chest. back. into. my. throat.
(teaching myself a lesson, i collapsed.)

the sun blinded me like the stranger. (oh, marsault. i know your crime of passion, sometimes the sun makes you do nothing too.) i love you, and as usual, you don't know who i am. that's bad.

where are the inspirations? where are the little treasures?
show me, love.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Geek
Your Favorite Band/Song	Saves The Day - All-Star Me
You Like To Read:	Everything
You Firmly Believe In:	Abstinence
Everyone Thinks You Are:	A complete loser
You Were Conceived:	By immaculate conception
You Will Marry:	Ghandi
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

jesus, this is almost true.

dear tim: i wish you would stop boycotting me.
as for tom, and morris, i am happy to know you.
michael: are you still alive?
david, jeff: hey. you can call me if you want.

that just about covers all of the bases. what is going on?
big math test tomorrow. paper due in ap, and art class. work on the project for geography. stop failing at school.

the humdrum of winter keeps me awake, though it should bore me to sleep. i like to listen to the radio in the dark and think about all the things i might be doing instead of rearranging my resources.

telephones. carrying cases. musical instruments.

(to those of you i haven't seen in a while, i am sorry. i haven't been myself as of late. i haven't forgotten you. please accept my apology.)

weekends are becoming hectic, i feel like there is no break inbetween. it's the proverbial "crunch time" and i am being compressed into an easily transported device.
i have to speak to alex about the whole parkside show. i'd like to enter one of my gigantic scupltures. perhaps i should make a new one.. pick up the wire from bens house and give the paper mache goo a try. i bet i could make something beautiful, even. perhaps i'll cover someone in it.

i'm a little black girl, short and stout
if it is snowing, i don't come out.
when i get my hair wet, then i shout
"oh hell no" and then i pout.

i'm having a contest. everyone who enters gets a prize.

in other news, my littel brother spencer was privy to his very first show last night. el oso, bob gun, those royals, the box social, and the new blind nationals participated in making his first indie rock memory. i'm really glad it didn't suck. i'm currently seeking out a date with all of the members of the box social, and in preparation will listen to their song "hot damn" every day until my dream comes true.

needless to say, i have been once again turned on to local music. thanks to all who participated. i love you, and i'll see you later.